Somewhere along the way, our pure intentions get lost in the shuffle and we find ourselves becoming that which we sought to rebel against.
After a lot of thought and an overall assessment of where I am psychologically and emotionally, I’ve decided to join the ranks of those who have deleted or abandoned their social media accounts. It’s such a unique place to be in because I know firsthand how instrumental social media has been for me in creating relationships with people all over the world. To that end, however, social media has steadily created a divide within myself. One that can no longer go unnoticed or unaddressed.
I am 100% the person who wants to be 100% present while somehow also simultaneously being 100% the person who wants to capture beautiful moments and things via pictures or videos. I’m sure there’s a fine line there or some precarious balance that I haven’t quite discovered yet, but, when I’m soberingly honest with myself, I know that before all of this I was a lot slower to record or photograph things. Not because I didn’t want to capture them, but because frankly I was too busy enjoying myself. I want to be that person again.
Blogging is an industry now, it’s no longer people just sharing their outfits, thoughts or feelings, or experiences. So much of what is shared these days comes with an agenda. You sign up to create an augmented reality of sorts and even though you’re wearing, doing or experiencing something in real life, you’re orchestrating it to the point that the enjoyment of it comes few and far between. That’s what people buy into, the augmented reality that you’ve been tasked to sell and the more I think about it, the more dissonance it creates within my soul.
Beautiful moments are spent conjuring up ways to make them seem even more beautiful in pictures or videos. People are staging everything. None of it is real. There’s no soul behind any of it. And what’s tough is that where there is soul behind it, it’s the smallest percentage of what you see.
I wanted to be different, I wanted to be authentic, “real”, genuine, but then I found myself staging moments. Trying to capture things and make them look perfect. It started out innocently because I am a joyful person and I wanted to translate my joy to others through imagery and video. I did this successfully, but, what I didn’t do successfully, was not allow myself to get caught up in the illusion of it all. You get to a point where you compare your real life not only to the lives of others, but also to the life that you try to portray online. Perfectly edited, crisp, clear and in-focus. Trying to appear caught off-guard when you’re actually posing. Trying to create a buzz any way possible, desperate for people to notice you, your work and your attempts to be different and unique.
I’m not writing this to diminish the work that goes into being a successful blogger, youtuber or social media personality because it takes a lot of work, quite often it’s 24/7. I’m just consciously choosing to say NO for myself. I’m tired of staging and pretending. Most times I’m completely blurry and out of focus with poor lighting with hair that I can’t manage 87% of the time.
My reality isn’t perfect and I know that no one’s is. I’m exhausted of trying to prove something to myself. Tired of trying to prove myself to other people. Tired of trying to make my life match or seem comparable or as worthy of being shared.
At first I questioned myself, like had I become a wildly successful or popular blogger would I feel this way? And the chances are high that I would have, but I would have different motives for continuing on. But since I’m not, my motives are clear, I just want to create the most peaceful online environment I can for myself.
When I’m at the beach, I want to be at the beach and not trying to figure out how I can get the perfect photo of me taken. And to be very clear, this is not a pressure someone else has put on me, this is pressure that I have put on myself.
There are millions of spectacular lives and moments being lived around the world every day that many of us will never know about. They don’t need to be filmed or photographed to be any more valid than they inherently are. We assign value to things, moments, experiences…THINGS, MOMENTS, EXPERIENCES, LIKES don’t assign value to us as people.
With all of this being said, I will no longer be on social media for the foreseeable future. If you’re looking for me, I’ll be here on my blog or my YouTube channel or you can email me at Brittni@BrittniPope.com.