My best advice for being attractive…MAKE PEACE WITH YOURSELF!
Sounds easy enough, right?! However, it’s a lot more difficult than many of us would like to admit.
We live in a time where we have access to the most “beautiful” people around the world at our fingertips at any moment. If we allow it, this access can cause us to become incredibly insecure in ourselves or unhappy. We swiftly move from standing in appreciation of who we are, what we think and how we look to scrolling endlessly while comparing and contrasting ourselves to seemingly no end.
We’ve got unattainable beauty standards that we’re constantly trying to live up to, but see, here’s the thing, here’s what they won’t tell you about how to be attractive…
Lipstick can’t make you. Foundation can’t make you. A “perfect” body can’t make you. Beautiful hair can’t make you. Perfectly straight teeth can’t make you. A particular complexion can’t make you. A certain weight can’t make you. Other people thinking you’re attractive can’t make you.
NONE OF IT!
And people will want to argue this with me and say that attractiveness is specific to one’s physical appearance and I will refute it all day long because the biggest catch-22 about attractiveness is that it’s nuanced beyond our comprehension.
We’ve come to know so much about science, yet so few of us understand it and how it plays into attractiveness.
Let me sum it up for you, in reality, there’s really very little that you can do to control, increase or manipulate another person’s attraction to you. Therefore, not only does this make the concept of attractiveness entirely subjective, but it also means that feeling attractive isn’t a satisfaction that you can truly get from someone else showing you attention or telling you that you are.
So if you change something about yourself, realize that the psychology behind that, whether you recognize it or not, is that YOU find certain traits more attractive and not the flawed psychology that you’re changing something about yourself so that other people find you more attractive. Anything you change about yourself is done so that you will find yourself more attractive in the changing of it.
Whether you agree with it or not, there’s someone who thinks you’re absolutely perfect and attractive just as you are.
One of the most clarifying perspectives to think about when it comes to attractiveness is to think about people you find attractive and their quirks that make them even cuter to you.
Something about his crooked smile. Her pointy ears are so cute. I love that gap in her front teeth. I love that he’s got a little extra meat on his bones.
Whatever they are, they exist and we all find little random parts of people’s appearance that we appreciate and, from your perspective, it enhances their attractiveness.
Do you understand what I’m saying? Some of us, many of us, are socialized into finding certain physical traits attractive. Some of us can’t explain why we’re attracted to certain physical traits in the first place. All of us have certain traits that we find attractive that can be traced back to early human existence based on nothing more than physical reproduction for survival of the species. So there’s that.
And there isn’t even enough time in the day to delve deeply into how a person carries him/herself or his/her personality and how that plays into attractiveness and I don’t want to veer far from the most important topic…How To Be Attractive.
You need to learn to find yourself attractive first. You need to understand that someone else telling you that you’re attractive, being in a relationship or looking a certain way is in no way a true indicator of how you see yourself.
I’ve known people who I found absolutely beautiful who found themselves completely unattractive. I’ve seen people who others classified as unattractive to them in relationships.
So how is it that we can place more emphasis on others’ responses to us than how we respond to ourselves? Because Brittni, “I have to exist in the world, I have to go out into public, I have to subject myself to the opinions of others no matter how they perceive me, I want to be in a relationship one day, etc…”
The most attractive people I have ever seen in my life, to me at least, have and exude an irrefutable, undeniable at-peaceness with themselves. They’re so comfortable in their own skin. They take themselves lightly. They seek to please themselves more than others. They celebrate their body and how it functions. They embrace their “flaws.” They’re not looking for approval from others. And it is abundantly clear in how they carry themselves.
They just are…
Does that make sense? Their primary concern is clearly working on who they are more than how they appear. They make a choice to live up to standards that they’ve designed and established for themselves rather than trying to conform to ones that are constantly changing.
Attractiveness boils down to self-approval. Self-love. Self-respect. Self-appreciation. SELF.
You want to be attractive? Remind yourself how attractive you are every day. Remind yourself that your attractiveness is found in your smile lines, in the way you carry yourself, in the way you think, in the way you speak, in the way you show up in the world…
If you want to change something about yourself or wear certain makeup or dress a certain way, whatever it is, do it for yourself, do it because it will make you happy. You don’t owe other people a lifetime of being inauthentic to yourself for their irrelevant approval.
Your attractiveness is up to you. I understand that sometimes it may not feel that way, but, ultimately, the only opinion of yourself that matters is yours. There’s no relationship that you can have that will ever matter more than the relationship that you have with yourself.
Do yourself a favor and fall in love with yourself. You might be surprised to find people responding to you differently or more “approvingly” and you might be even more surprised to find yourself not caring at all.
I love you and I know how beautiful and insanely attractive you are.