To be or not to be…happy…that is the question?
I am, first and foremost, happy inwardly and embrace showing that happiness outwardly and sharing it with other people.
If you’ve been following me for a while, you will know that I have struggled to find this happy, sweet spot, if you will, for much of my life since around age 12.
My happiness thrived off of co-dependence. It depended on men. On money. On whether I had or didn’t have what I wanted. On other people who were or weren’t in my life. On how I looked. On how I felt. On what other people thought about me.
Basically, my happiness depended on everything outside of me and way outside of my immediate control.
When I began my spiritual journey, I sought out happiness. My first mistake was in thinking that happiness could be sought. It was as if my happiness had just been hiding from me all along. It was only when I realized that true happiness could only be found, achieved and nurtured inwardly that I understood the key to happiness. My second mistake was in thinking that things outside of my control had the innate ability to take my happy away from me…
The journey to true happiness was a two-step process for me. Firstly, realizing that my happiness has always been there, it was just waiting on me to understand this concept. Secondly, realizing that the only time anything outside of my control could affect my happiness, was if I allowed it to, not because it actually had the power to. Both of these were two extremely powerful realizations and revelations in my spiritual journey and I’ve been honing them in theory and practice ever since.
Don’t you know how much I would just love to sit here and lie and tell you all that I don’t let things like a driver cutting me off or other ridiculous things affect my happiness, even momentarily? I wish I could, but I can’t. I’m human and sometimes I allow myself to get knocked off my game and I accept responsibility for that. I am in my control of my happiness. I am also in control of what I allow and disallow to affect my happiness. We all are.
But, don’t you know, I recently discovered there’s third step in this what I once considered only a two-step process?! Yes, a third step, as if the first two steps weren’t difficult enough. Imagine my surprise.
What’s this step? Learning how to remain happy when people question, mock or attempt to thwart your happiness.
Like I stated earlier, I’m happy now, like really freaking happy. I mean, I literally wake up on 10, I don’t need coffee or extra time to pull myself together. I put on some music and I’m ready to take on the day! I’m the person who walks into work or anywhere else early in the morning with a mega-watt smile whilst sauntering my fabulous ass to wherever I’m headed. I’m on 10 regardless of if anyone else is or not. Now, I’m not saying happiness means you’re a morning person, what I’m saying is that “happy” is the tone I always like to set the day with. What I’m also saying is that happiness is more than a smile on your face, happiness is something that actually radiates outwardly from within you.
I’m so happy that it makes me even happier being happy. Yafeelmeh?
Anyways, back to my point. Perhaps it is because I spent most of my adolescence and early adulthood not being this way that I’m able to even notice a stark contrast in peoples’ reactions to my happiness vs my “blah-ness.”
All I’m saying is that I’ve gotten WAY more crazy looks directed my way with a huge smile on my face and a happy/cheerful attitude than no smile and an attitude of indifference.
I’ve straight up been asked, “Why are you so happy?” and it wasn’t asked in a lovingly or genuine manner. I mean, is it seriously necessary to justify or correlate my happiness with some “thing”? I can’t just be happy for no other reason than just being alive and well? It’s the strangest thing to me.
Or I hear, “Well you’re happy this morning.” or “Look she’s so happy.”
Which makes me wonder if I’m seriously just that big of an anomaly or if people just don’t know how to respond to such a blatant display of the happiness I feel within? I wouldn’t say I’m over-the-top in any way, I’ve just come to believe that some people are so accustomed to dealing with people who either aren’t happy or don’t outwardly express the happiness they feel that they forget that true happiness even really exists.
Or beyond that, people come into contact with so many people who outwardly express the inward unhappiness they feel that we all, over time, develop an attitude of cynicism or feel the need to always be on the defensive prior to interactions with people we’ve never met before.
I don’t really know, it could be a combination of all of these things.
I’ve heard people whisper in reference to me, “Is she on drugs?” Again, simply because I’m happy and cheerful.
Before I had the strength to not let things like these affect me, I almost felt like there was something wrong with my happiness or that I wanted to share it with others. I felt like maybe I shouldn’t be so outwardly happy, but I also felt like I couldn’t stop my happiness from spilling over to my physical state and interactions with people. And I knew that I didn’t want to try to stop it.
That’s when I decided to be happy and to show that happiness no matter what. I am so proud of this happiness. It’s so beautiful and if I can share it with others and it can transfer onto them, even if it’s just in that moment with me, then it is worth it.
Given, I can’t control others, but I’d say that 8 times out of 10, I set the tone for the interactions I have with people with my happiness and good attitude and they raise their vibration to meet me there. And then when I meet people who are even happier than I am, I am excited to raise my vibration to meet theirs. However, I refuse to lower my vibration for anybody or to dishonor my happiness to make other people feel comfortable.
It’s sad that someone’s happiness is now cause for concern rather than celebration.
Some people are up to their necks in unhappiness and instead of seeing others’ happiness as a motivation to feel the same, some people see it as a bold act of defiance and slap in the face. Well, here, darling, allow my happiness to slap you in the face a few times and hopefully, at some point, slap the sense back into you. There is nothing wrong with being happy. Happy is our natural state. We are taught to allow things to affect the way we feel. We assign how we feel about things, good or bad, happy or unhappy, us, no one else. Giving other people and outside circumstances that much power over how you feel internally is a slippery slope that will quickly get you to a place of misery unlike any state of unhappiness you’ve ever known. Misery only loves company because another miserable person makes it appear more tangible than the illusion it actually is. Misery is a choice, just like happiness is a choice.
Life isn’t perfect for anyone and there will probably always be things going on in the world that should affect the happiness we feel, but ultimately, the only actual thing that can ever alter our state of happiness is us. The only thing in control of our happiness is us, nothing or no one else.
Every day I make a choice to be happy, in spite of every person it may piss off, in spite of tragedies, sometimes even in spite of myself.
There are so many beautiful things in this world to be happy about and the happiness that we feel inwardly and show and share outwardly is a grand show of appreciation to God. Not to mention, a grand show of the goodness of God.
And, the truth is, my happiness needs no more justification than that.
I’m happy and proud of it. And I hope you are, too.
There’s nothing sad about being happy, but there’s everything sad about choosing to be unhappy.