I’ve definitely had my fair share of issues with men, dating and relationships! What I have discovered during all of this, however, is that there are many ways to help make everything a little bit easier while dating. In this video, I share some of the wisdom that I have acquired over time! If you’d rather just read some of these tips, keep reading after the jump!!
Thanks for watching! Be sure to follow the jump if you’d rather read the tips!
1. Build a Healthy Relationship with Yourself First!
If you don’t treat yourself with love and respect, chances are you’ll get involved with someone who doesn’t either. Setting standards is important and will help your more easily discern who is up to par and who isn’t. You need to treat yourself how you want and like to be treated and date accordingly. Having the power to do this stems from a healthy and loving relationship with yourself first!
2. Take Your Need for Validation Out of the Equation!
Your self-esteem shouldn’t be on the table in a relationship. Needing a man’s approval and validation will only foster insecurity, anxiety and jealousy in you. Once you love yourself, a man appreciating your appearance and other various amazing qualities will become nothing more than a sweet compliment as opposed to the deciding factor of your adequacy or inadequacy.
3. Focus on Building a Friendship First!
You’d be surprised by how many people are in a relationship with someone they otherwise wouldn’t be friends with. Friendship matters and is a huge part of the foundation for positive, healthy and successful relationships.
4. Identify Boundaries and Goals!
If you don’t believe in sex before marriage, then you just don’t. If you only feel comfortable being intimate with someone after a certain amount of time, then that’s fine. Those are your boundaries and they deserve to be respected. If you want to get married one day, that’s a goal. Identifying boundaries and goals are so incredibly important so that you have a clear vision of what you want going into a relationship and will help prevent you from sacrificing your wants and betraying yourself to make someone else happy.
5. Learn How to Control your Emotions, Impulses and Neuroses!
Emotions left unchecked can cause you to spiral out of control and jeopardize a good relationship. We as women, sometimes, are great at making something out of nothing. If you’re feeling anxious, suspicious, insecure or jealous, look deeply at those feelings and search for the root cause. Could you be projecting these feelings from a past bad relationship onto your new one? Of course, listen to your feelings, talk to your guy, see if there’s any real basis for you to feel these emotions? Now you could just be dating a douchebag and his actions may make you feel like you need to feel those feelings, in which case you need to talk them out or kick him to the curb! Just don’t let your fear ruin a good thing!
6. Communicate Clearly, Openly and Effectively!
Communication is so very important in all relationships, but especially romantic relationships. I think a lot of turmoil could be avoided if clear lines of communication are open. Communicating clearly takes practice, it requires saying exactly how you feel and why you feel that way. Communicating openly takes courage, it requires expressing yourself in a timely manner so that issues can be dealt with in a timely way as opposed to coming out later down the road. Communicating effectively takes practice, too. It requires communicating and voicing your feelings in a way that’s healthy and not harmful to other person involved so that they can clearly understand what you’re trying to share. Communicating effectively also requires being a good listener and being open to hearing out the person involved, as well.
7. Don’t Put All of Your Eggs into One Basket!
Every guy you date can’t be the “one” and it’s unfair to you and these guys you date to see them all as such. Date with a purpose, sure, but don’t go to pieces and assume you’ll never meet someone else because you’re so sure he’s your soulmate. Stay open. Keep everything in perspective.
8. Relinquish the Need to Control the Outcome!
Just enjoy the ride, it takes all of the pressure off! The best advice that I can give you is only worry about crossing a bridge when you get to it!
9. Don’t Lose Yourself in the Relationship!
PSA: Just because you get into a relationship doesn’t mean you have to give up your own life. It’s healthy to maintain your friendships and your hobbies. This is important so that you don’t lose your personal identity. It’s ok and perfectly normal to have to shift things around a bit and search for a new balance, but don’t neglect the people and things who were in your life before your new boo and who will hopefully be there if things don’t work out.
10. Remember that You’re Already Whole and That No Man Can Complete You, Only Compliment You!
Successful relationships typically have two already whole and complete people. (i.e. People who aren’t searching for their “other half”) There’s no seeking for completion, therefore there’s no placing impossible expectations on each other.
11. Protect Your Happy!
If you’re unhappy, it’s ok to end something. At all costs, protect your happy! When you’re happy, everything in your life will flow better. If a relationship is causing you consistent unhappiness, it’s better to leave so that you and the other person can begin to heal and move on as soon as possible. Your happiness matters!!!
12. Don’t Place Unrealistic Expectations on Your Man!
No one is perfect! Including you. Don’t assume that just because you get into a relationship with someone that all of a sudden he/she is going to be perfect. If you do this or expect this, you’re only going to cause yourself to be stressed out. Express your reasonable expectations, but don’t ask of someone else what you wouldn’t want asked of you.
Thanks for watching and/or reading some of my tips! I hope you found them helpful!!!
I love you!!