S.O.S.

Sos2It feels like I’m suffocating beneath the weight of my own creativity and dreams. It feels like I can’t breathe. It feels like I’m drowning. It feels like all of the things that I love have made themselves at home on my chest. How can I survive? How do I remain afloat when what inspires me seems to be holding my head under water? What am I supposed to do? It feels as if I’m being pulled in two different directions. I’m struggling. Sometimes it feels like no one understands. My fear is scaring off my creativity. And when it finally comes back from hiding, it crashes into me and pulls me under. I feel so incredibly vulnerable and exposed. I’m not sleeping well. I can’t rest, I can’t get comfortable. Sometimes it feels as if I’m disappearing into a life that’s not the one I should be living. A life that’s not my own is trying to consume me. I can’t seem to fight it. It feels like the harder I fight, the more difficult everything becomes. I can’t seem to give into it either. Any action I take feels like resistance. At what point does what’s holding me back propel me forward? Or does it? It’s foggy here. I can’t see a thing, let alone my way out. Part of me feels like I need to be saved. I’m writing to keep from crying. I’m writing to give all of the pressure a way out…somewhere to go. I’m writing to release. I’m writing to feel weightless instead of weighed down. I’m begging for a sign to help stop me from blending into an existence that doesn’t resonate. God, help me. Please. I’m floundering in a reality that believes my dreams are slowly killing me instead of giving me something to live for.

*This isn’t poetry. This is real life. It’s both beautiful and heartbreaking.

With Love,

Brittni Pope

Sos1

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One thought on “S.O.S.

  1. Well, this “poem”, writing or whatever you might call it has a certain element of familiarity. I think sometimes we are so consumed with what we love that sometimes we forget who we are. It’s in those times, I think, that a break from that reality is needed. Getting away, to allow your mind to clear, can give you a sense of renewal. It’s part of the reason we take vacations, to refresh ourselves.

    I know, for example, that I love science – especially chemistry – but the amount of work I’m doing in the lab I work in has begun to kill my love of chemistry. It’s during these times, that I dream of a drive in the mountains, a hike, some snowshoeing, anything that changes my perspective momentarily…and maybe, just maybe, I might remember what it is I love about what I do. And then again, maybe I come to terms with the fact it might be time to try something new…

    Our passions can change in life, which is okay; but sometimes those passions simply need to recharge. Too much of a good thing is a bad thing…right?

    On a side note, I really enjoy reading your blog postings. You have such a way of writing that pulls on me, because I’m able to relate to it in so many ways. Thank you, for such real, insightful, and personal postings. 🙂

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