Lately I’ve spent some time photographing women and I’ve noticed that some women who are absolutely gorgeous become extremely insecure when in front of the camera lens.
“I used to be really beautiful.”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with my face, I look so ugly today.”
“I’m sorry, I’m just really tired.”
“I need more makeup.”
“I wish you didn’t have to see me looking like this, let alone take my picture.”
“I hate my smile.”
“I don’t take good pictures.”
“Please photoshop me. Please!”
These quotes are just a few of the things that I’ve heard some of these women say. Meanwhile, I think they’re absolutely beautiful, yet as soon as they open their mouths they hurl extremely insulting comments at themselves. Comments that they more than likely wouldn’t say to a good friend or allow a friend to say about herself…
**Side note: Some men that I photographed were equally vocal about their insecurities!! It’s not just women!!!!**
In the midst of these insults being cannon-balled into the energy atmosphere of myself and these women, I, of course, fired back:
“No, please don’t say that, you’re beautiful.”
“I’ll take as many pictures of you as you’d like, I want you to feel comfortable.”
“Used to be? You’re still beautiful.”
“Yes, you do take beautiful pictures.”
“I don’t understand why women keep saying these things about themselves. Every woman who has had something really negative to say about herself is actually gorgeous and her picture comes out just as gorgeous.”
But, honestly, it felt like an uphill battle as many repelled all of my comments and didn’t believe them at all. And I would think to myself, “if only they could see what I see.”
I couldn’t help but wonder what do these women think or say about themselves in front of mirrors.
There was a time when I was really critical of other women, including myself, but I retrained my thinking, for the most part. I had to do it, there were times when I would become so consumed in trying to compare how I measured up to other women that I would forget my purpose of being in that particular place, (like, um, excuse me, Brittni you have a test in here on Thursday and one of the questions won’t be about how that hair style looks on her.) Yeah, it was that bad!
Or the times when I would stand in front of a mirror and pick myself apart and point out everything that I wished were different. Then I’d walk away feeling as if I’d just riddled my own body with insult-laced bullets. Talk about adding insult to injury! It was a terrible feeling.
One day I realized I’d become addicted to feeling insecure. Either fishing for compliments to help make me feel validated or completely throwing out the validity of compliments that were freely given to me, or, the all too familiar ploy, pointing out everything I wanted to change about myself before anyone else could have the chance to make me aware of what I already knew.
Yeah, guys, just allow me to fill the energy atmosphere up to its brim with my insecurities! Whew! Is it suddenly crowded in here or is it just me? Literally!
However, fortunately, after I retrained my thinking I’m no longer super critical of myself. I won’t lie and say that every now and then I don’t feel insecure or like I’m having a bad face day or like my body couldn’t be a little better, I just honor that those feelings are human and are fleeting. In fact, I have adopted the practice of standing in front of my mirror and pointing out every single thing that I LOVE about myself. And now when I’m around other women I think to myself, “wow she’s freaking gorgeous!” “her shoes are ahhh-mazing.” “that hair cut/style is so cute!” “I love her style.” BUT and there’s always a but, right?! If I see a really pretty girl with a bad attitude I will admit to thinking to myself “girl, you’re cute, but with that stank ass attitude you’re the least attractive person in the room!”
Point is, I point out the positives and I keep it moving. I don’t do any comparing and/or contrasting because that’s the recipe for insecurity, unhappiness, and JEALOUSY! Ewww eww eww!!!!
I’m me, they’re them and that’s the beginning, middle, and end of it!
This is when I realized that when we’re super critical of others, we, in turn, become super critical of ourselves which produces and fosters insecurity in ourselves.
So, seriously, is insecurity the new black or what?
Trust me, every single person is insecure to an extent or feels insecure about certain things, and they’re already fully aware of it. They don’t need us to point it out for them.
Let’s flip this concept, now.
We already know what we’re insecure about, so how about we STOP pointing them out to ourselves?! Let’s try having some compassion for ourselves! Let’s try taking ourselves lightly! Let’s try honoring that the Divine Source created us and that we are perfect and beautiful and that the ONLY reason we feel less than perfect and beautiful is because many of us have grown up in a culture or a society that has a beauty ideal and doesn’t honor that beauty comes in so many different packages that there aren’t enough magazine covers in all of the world to showcase how perfect and beautiful we all are, individually!!!!!
No good comes from being insecure. None. Fishing for compliments is obnoxious and people can tell that you’re doing it which makes it even more obnoxious. No validation that you receive from outside sources will ever be enough to make you feel truly “validated”…only YOUR approval of yourself can do that!
You posses everything that you need to feel AMAZING about yourself and all that requires is changing your thinking.
The biggest battle we all fight starts in our own minds. You win or lose by your thinking.
I challenge you to stand in front of a mirror, get naked, and literally point out everything that you love about yourself, not just your body, but your entire self, not to be critical of others, and not to compare/contrast yourself to others.
There will never, ever, in all of history be another you. NEVER. Embrace that.
So, to answer my own question. There’s no way in hell insecurity is the new black.
SECURITY is the new black!!!!
With SOOOO Much Love