Have you ever been in a situation where you love someone else so much that it in turn causes you not to love yourself as much?
Have you ever found yourself making self-deprecating and self-deteriorating decisions simply out “love” for someone else?
It’s so easy to consider putting yourself on the back-burner in this situation as a necessary evil, when in actuality it’s only just “evil”.
Out of the love I had for someone else, I betrayed myself, I kept hurting myself. I’m talking about going into the situation knowing full well that I was the one who was going to end up being hurt and somehow internally justifying this to myself. It was a ridiculous and vicious cycle, and if I’m completely honest, a completely addictive cycle. The idea that you can literally become addicted to pain seems difficult to fathom, but it’s much easier than you think…
If loving someone or something causes you not to love yourself as much, it’s toxic for you. Period. There’s no way around it or out of it. People, things, and situations that are nurturing to your well being will not allow you to make decisions or to take actions that will hurt you. Sometimes we tend to think we’re being selfish if we don’t put a loved one or something else before ourselves. Well, let me tell you something, it’s not selfish, not in the least! In fact, it’s necessary.
You matter. You matter a lot. Your well being matters. Your health matters. Your happiness matters. YOU MATTER! Stop allowing yourself to believe anything different.
I think many of us are taught that by loving ourselves and taking care of ourselves we’re coming from a negative place, but if you do not nurture yourself how can you possibly expect to give the best of yourself to those you love or certain situations? You can’t.
Think of it like this… If the source of something is not replenished or nurtured, it will eventually have nothing left to give. You’re that source. All that is good can flow from you, but if you’re feeling bad, less good is able to flow, if any good at all.
So if you find yourself entering into this cycle or are caught up in the cycle already, you need to step away from the situation and really look at not only your intentions, but the other person’s as well. Don’t allow your perceived idea of desperation or the need of someone or something in your life to dictate and warrant less-than-stellar actions towards yourself.
For example, if someone really loves you and cares for your well being they won’t contribute to this cycle, they don’t want to “take” from you, they want to add to you, they value you as a source. However, people who don’t really value you as a source will continuously take with no intentions of helping to replenish or nurture you.
In order to exit this cycle you must recognize yourself as a source. A source from which all that is good and beautiful can flow from. Once you truly, and I mean truly, value yourself as a source you will steer clear of these people and situations and gracefully exit from the cycles in your life that take from you.
So, now my question for you to deeply consider is this… Have you ever loved yourself so much that it caused you to give love to others and bring vitality to situations in your life easily and free-flowingly? So much so, that this love was returned to you two-fold? Have you?